I've been thinking latelu

I've struggled with anxiety for almost three years now. I've had my highs and lows, that's for sure. I know I've had periods of utter hell, but also beautiful times full of happiness, love, and joy. But recently, event though things really aren't that bad, I've been becoming more and more anxious. My body has become so sensitive, along with my heart. I feel so vulnerable. In the sense that if I screw up in any facet, I could be brinking a mental break-down. Not in the sense that I'll go crazy. More just that I'll lose control of my emotion (like I really have control of them now, but I like to think that I do). But more just that I'll become more sad, stressed, and anxious. Like when I make a mistake and hurt a friend, my heart plummets. I feel terrible for a while. I do everything I can in my power to fix the situation and try to help that person feel better and ask for their forgivenss, but in the end, there's not much I can do. And on the more biological aspect, my body can react to so much that didn't used to affect it. Or maybe it did and I just never realized. But when I don't get much sleep, I struggle so much controlling my emotions. Like for example: today has been the worst of both worlds. I only got 5 hours of sleep and then I have two of my friends pissed/annoyed with me.
It's just so hard trying to keep on top of all that. And to keep in mind, I'm 18. I'm no where near perfect and capable of handling everything well. I think anyways.
But I've learned one important thing lately.
I can't blame myself for how I'm feeling!
I can't sit around when I'm anxious with friends and be upset with myself that I'm not happy. It's okay that I'm not always happy when I'm around people. I'm human. And especially a lot of the people I'm subjected to being around aren't particularly my friends. So it makes sense. I can't blame myself for my friends being upset.  I mean of course when I make a mistake I can learn from it and realize I was wrong. But I can't sit around worrying about it. I handle it the best I can and have to accept that. And with my body. I just have to learn how to tell people that I really need my sleep. I really need to eat regularly. Etc
But I'm not going to beat myself up anymore. That doesn't help anyways, and just makes everything worse.